Bridal Party fight w/ Mother in law.?

My mother/monster in law to be is making a huge fuss becasue none of my fiance's sisters are apart of my bridal party. The ages are (12, 14, and 15). I'm not close with any of his sisters AND I feel they are too old to be flower girls and too old to be bridesmaids. Am I being "rude", "Wrong", or "messed up" for not inviting his sisiters to be apart of the bridal party?

Bridal Party fight w/ Mother in law.?
I think that she's making a big deal out of nothing, those girls will grow up and probably not have you in their bridal party either. You should only have people you know and are comfortable with in your bridal party. You monster-in-law just seem like she want things to go her way because it's her son. But I think that she's out of line on this one.
Reply:I think you meant too young to be bridesmaids, however the only way for them to be too young is if they were flower girl age... many people have junior bridesmaids.





Anyway, to answer your question.... No, you are not in the wrong in any way for not having them be one of your attendants. They are close to him not you, if he wants them included in the wedding party he could ask them to be HIS attendants. People have attendants of the opposite sex all the time.


You could possibly ease tension though, by having them do something else... (candle lighters, a reading during the ceremony, sing a song during the ceremony, hand out programs if you're having them, give out flower petals/bubbles/bird seed if doing any of those.... you could even ask that they be your "assistants" (they can find the needed people for the photographer so he/she doesn't have to chase down people, run errands for you on the day of, help you with wrapping favors or addressing invitations, etc.)
Reply:Hey gurl! The Bridesmaids and flower girls are on you; The groomsmen and ring bearer is on him. You should choose who you want to stand up for you. I agree with the others that say give them something else - guestbook, hand out programs, etc. Besides, the bigger issue comes later - if your MIL and your husband-2-B's family realizes they can "persuade" you to change now, it will continue WAY after the ceremony and they will try it any chance they get. Trust me...I know.
Reply:My husband wasn't in his only sister's bridal party. In fact, there were groomsmen who had never even met the groom or bride. My husband wasn't even a backup groomsmen when one of them cut out at the last minute. His sister even forced my husband, who was jobless at the timeand with a young family, to rent and wear a $200 tux! Their relationship is VERY strained now.





You need to sit down with your MIL and fiance and explain why you didn't feel it necessary to include them in the bridal party. For one, don't say "they are too old to be flower girls and too young to be bridesmaids." It's common to have junior bridesmaids.





Ask them if they would like to become a hostess, or a female usher. If that isn't comforting, try asking them to be the guest book attendants.





I would include them as best you could. Also, think about your fiance. Is HE close to his sisters? It's not about how close you are to them, it's also about your fiance. Remember that it's his wedding too.
Reply:it is you wedding and your choice. You get to choose whom ever you want, and you new mother in law is starting to already show you what married life is going to be like I hope you two are going to be living a LONG way away from her. Best wishes to you
Reply:Not necessarily, i agree that they are too old to be flower girls and you should be close to your bridesmaids. good luck.
Reply:You're not rude, wrong or messed up... just probably planning to do it in a traditional way (with females closer to your own age).


It's your bridal party %26amp; she should respect your decisions about it... but if you choose to do so, you could break tradition %26amp; have the little girls included somehow, someway.


Besides, it's probably going to hurt the girls if they're left out... it's already hurt the monster-in-law.
Reply:Remember it is YOUR bridal party YOUR wedding and you can choose who you want and who you don't. No matter what other people opinions are and whether or not they are mad about it.


If in the end you have no choice but to add them you can make them junior brides maids.


Or if you don't want to add them to your bridal party but want to include them to make her happy you could always find another way to include them.
Reply:they could be jr brides maides since this is going to be your sister in laws you should include them my bridal party has my fiance sister cousin and other sister in law
Reply:YES it is YOUR day but its HIS as well. and it is his family. You can make them Jr. bridesmaids. Believe me there is no sense starting a huge fight over this-it may drag on for years-Ive seen it. For my wedding I put my husbands sister and her boyfriend out of respect for my husband and I dont even like her (feeling is mutual) his family doesnt like me cause of my ethnicity but thats another issue. Anyway I asked his sister and her boyfriend to make peace in the family. Now for her wedding the B**CH didnt invite my husband and I- I can understand me but her own brother? TACKY!! Now it has caused such a stir I refuse to see them talk to them or email I have zero contact with them!!! Dont let it come to this. If you cant have them all at least make one a Jr. bridesmaid but make the other 2 a huge part of the wedding and make sure they are mentioned. Hope this helps :)
Reply:how does your husband to be feel. I don't think the girls are too old to be bridesmaids. Maybe not all but at least one. Is any of your family in it. I do say that it is your wedding and you have the choice with you soon to be husband who is in it
Reply:ITS YOUR WEDDING DO WHATEVER YOU WANT YOU WANT TO DO!
Reply:First of all, do not disrespect this woman, she raised your fiance and you love him, right? It is proper for you to have at least the oldest sister as a bridesmaid, and include the other two in some part of the wedding - maybe sitting at the guest register at the reception or doing readings in church.
Reply:I think it's your day, and you should put the people in your bridal party that you feel belong there. I hope that this issue gets resolved in a good way prior to the wedding. Good luck and best wishes!
Reply:that is rude cuz they are his sisters so they deserve to at least be apart of the wedding
Reply:Not at all. It's your wedding and you should have those who you feel are closest to you to be your honor attendants. That being said it would be nice to honor your fiance's sister's in some special way to make them feel included in your special day. Some ways that you could include them are:


-ask them to do a reading at your ceremony


-have them hold the rings and bring them forward when your officiant does the ring exchange


-have them hand out programs and help greet and seat guest for the ceremony


-be in charge of asking guests to sign the guest book, show people where cards and gifts go, and help them find their seat on your seating chart at the reception





All are ways to make them feel included but still let you keep your special friends and family members as your wedding party.





Happy Planning!





Crystal
Reply:Of Course, Family is the absoulute most important.





All 3 sisters should be junior Bridesmaids.





If you want to be part of his family enough to marry him, you should want to be part of his family enough to have his sisters in your wedding.
Reply:This is your wedding and YOU choose who YOU want to stand up in the wedding not her. tell her to close her mouth or do not come to the wedding. Your soon to be husband should be standing by your side for this, why is he not
Reply:What does your fiance think? It's his wedding too, you know - yeah, what a concept!! Weddings... not just for brides anymore. And these are HIS sisters you're talking about. You may not be close with them, but he might, and he might not mind making them a part of his wedding. As far as I'm aware, there isn't a law restricting the ages of flower girls and bridesmaids. I've got a secret for you: if you want peace, sometimes you have to give in. It's not always about you. No, really.
Reply:Unlike extended family, you don't have a choice of whether or not you're "close to" the immediate family. It is proper protocol to invite his sisters to be in the wedding party, just as it would be proper for him to invite your brothers if you had any. Just because they're girls doesn't mean that it's solely up to you whether they're in the bridal party or not. (If they were boys, I'm sure they'd be in his party.) Extend him and his family the same courtesy.
Reply:My brothers weren't in my wedding. I didn't live at home when I met my husband and he hardly knew them at the time. However, they did carry the gifts to the alter. Have his sisters carry in the gifts or do the readings (Catholic wedding). They don't have to be bridesmaids BUT they should definitely be included in some way.
Reply:Well, it's not rude nut I guess she was expecting that. Youc an tell her that the girls are too young to be BM, but you have already though of something age appropiate for the girls to be properly honour at the wedding.


They can read a poem, sing a song or make the annoucements ate the reception or ceremony.


Good luck
Reply:Its your wedding, not hers. Tell her to take a flying leap!!
Reply:Monster in law speaking here, and former wedding planner...some people think that the family members should be something in the wedding party. I agree with most everybody here and yourself. It's your wedding. Your bridal should be your choices not because they are going to be your sister-in-laws.





You aren't being rude, wrong or messed up. Honey, this is your bridal party, you pick who who want to help celebrate your most happy day. If you want to included them that's fine, they could be junior bridesmaids. As far as being too old for flower girls, that your decision. My daughter had the family dog as ringbearer, and her groom's little sister who is 12 as the flower girl. Again, your choice your wedding.





Explain to her that your feelings, that you have chosen these young women for personal reasons. Use the excuse you grew up together always promising that they would be your attendants, and you can't break their hearts. That you are in a bad situation, and could she please understand how this might make your friends very unhappy. My son was an usher in his sister's wedding along with the groom's brother. Let the girl's be ushers, that's an important job, they could have making dresses in a shade similar to the bridesmaids. Again, your wedding your choice. I just hope she will drop the fuss and realize that it's not her wedding but her son's and his beautiful bride.





God bless us all..........
Reply:Girls of 12 14 and 15 would be delighted to be bridesmaids and if only for future harmony it would be good to ask them. Not asking them could lead to your future husband and yourself arguing when he can't take your side against his family. It is tricky ground.
Reply:No, you are not rude. The people who stand up for you are the people you choose, not anyone else.





Try and make peace by having them look after the guest book or say a reading (like the others have suggested).





I also agree that you need to make a stand with the MIL. Talk to your husband to get him onboard with this. You MIL is losing her son...is what she thinks. This her last power play she can do before the wedding. I dont know why MIL get like this, but so many do.





Good luck!
Reply:It's best to ask your fiance this question. It's ONLY his opinion that matters in this case.
Reply:Sweetheart its YOUR day not hers!....Have them do the guestbook or candlelighters or have them be "honorary bridesmaids" If you have to have them be junior bridesmaids and don't have them stand up with you! GOOD LUCK!! May your marriage be blessed!
Reply:It's your wedding. Do yourself a favor...elope to Vegas or New Orleans and be done with it.
Reply:Could they be "honorary bridesmaids"? As lame as that term is to me...i was one once. It's like, "you're my friend but you didn't quite make the cut to be a real bridesmaid." But for your situation maybe this would satisfy the mother-in-law. If you don't know what an honorary is, all they do is they have a corsage and are seated by an usher after the mothers and grandmothers. They have a special spot on the front row and are listed in the program. Or maybe they could serve the cake or guestbook or somthing like that...But if your finace doesn't feel strongly about them being in it i wouldn't have them be bridesmaids.
Reply:they need to have a place even if it's a candle lighter, remember even though you are marrying him the family comes along with it good or bad....I think you are being selfish there is always a place for younger girls, like I said candle lighter, guest book attendant, help with the reception, you not wanting them in it says to his whole side of the family they are unimportant and I think it will make the future very uncomfortable if you don't find them a place, but that's just me....